Reverse motivation. I don’t get motivated as much by optimistic stories as I do by sadistic ones. Stories about a poor rural student from China that makes it to prestigious institutions doesn’t carry as much weight as seeing my unemployed friends from last year. I’m fucked up like that. Really I am. Girls that have flaked on dates have caused me more stress than failing a class.
I’m been thinking a lot about this week. The only thing that I can possibly learn from all of this is that each minute I delay, is another minute that I have to pay for in retribution. I’ve wanted to get this Arabic text as a tattoo on my back for a while now, “redemption through persistence”. I was inspired by it when I read an article about a Iraqi Veteran that was now enrolled at Stanford with the script(?) “redemption through courage” on his back. It is only fitting that as the world and the cliche assholes all get Chinese characters stamped on his/her back, arm, or wherever, I would want something as far away from Chinese culture as possible.
Time is too short to waste, and I already have wasted enough of it. I have enough bad habits to break, enough habits to cultivate, that I can no longer maintain the presence of being in control of my life. Peace and meditation. Control and perseverance. Motivation and control.
