I do hope in 6 months I go visit some country though. I’ve read this somewhere, and I’ve thought about this a lot, but buying items doesn’t really anyone “happier”, as opposed to experiences … I’ve been trying to think about that a lot, since I feel that I’ve been buying more and more things as I’ve had time to work and just earn more income. I should stop and save, and put that cash into something more useful, but I haven’t always been the “greatest” at saving money. (I recently did purchase a Blackberry).

Long ramble again.

Goals to hit by September 15th
BF – 6% (I’m probably at 9% right now), which really means lose an additional 5 pounds, drinking shakes at work is so boring. I’ve been doing a lot of wind sprints to get that lactic acid up, but the downside of this is … it is extremely painful, and I get really tired.
Bench Press – 225 x 8 (Currently at 225 x 5)
Pullups – Hit 45? (I think I’m at high 30s right now, something excessive that means nothing)
One armed pullups – I’ve been working at this a lot .. I’m currently at one rep. I pray I can hit 4 by end.
Overhead Squat – 135 x 8. I’m currently at 115 x 8 (with a lot of grunting / yelling in between)
ATG Squat – Sadly, this is very low. I’m at 225 x 8? I’ve been obsessed with the overhead squat for a while, which has ruined this fundamental. I should shoot for 275 x 8, which shouldn’t even be too hard, but I haven’t been as consistent as I would like … especially after work.
Long Distance – I can probably do about 3 miles non-stop right now. I would like this preferably to be up to 6, but I doubt that will happen considering how prone I am to injury, especially when I run.
Power Clean – Pitiful. 155×5. Realistically, I would like to hit 225 x # someday. But, I should be REALLY happy if I can get to 185 x 5 by beginning of September.

I’ve done a lot of random bicep curling in between, but I have to realize that this isn’t really helping up any of my lifts at all. But, I would like to be able to curl 60×4 on each arm. Right now, I think I’m back up to 50. But the tendonitis that comes frequently from too much curling has been a bit on the annoying side …

I don’t exactly know where I’m going with life. I don’t intend to marry or have kids, so aside from chasing after women, that hasn’t proved to be as motivating as I thought it would be. I’ve been pushing myself to get more certifications out of the way, yet I find it rather difficult especially after a long day of work and then to study for two more hours. It just hasn’t been as easy as I’d like … but I want to get it done.

I want to travel, and badly, but vacation time is only ten days at work. That means if I travel, I have only a few places I can go, and it seems foolish before I’ve paid off credit card debt.

Work has been difficult on the ego, because everyone around is me talented. I thought I was great at using computers, and it hit me pretty hard when I found out I was working in a team where everyone was gifted and talented. In short, I felt like a fake, the fool who thought he was good at something, until he met other people. It doesn’t bode well with me, and I think I’ll probably just put more hours to try to better myself.

I haven’t kept in touch with many friends, because frankly I’ve lost connection and similarities with them. I have yet to make good friends in a while, and the ones I have are slipping away. I am still not sure to this day if this even bugs me yet.

I didn’t think life after college would be this difficult. I heard about it from others, but as always, I thought I was a little bit more “special” than anyone else. This year and last has been a constant reminder that I let a lot of the natural gifts that I was given at birth to decay. It kills me.

At the gym, I haven’t been as strong as I’d like to be. I’m at the YMCA, which gives me no motivation. Everyone around me is in high-school or a senior citizen. Aside from a few 200-300 pound individuals in the gym, I’m definitely on the higher quartile at my gym. There is nothing motivating from that. I have to switch to other gyms to push myself harder than the others there.

I’ve eliminated music and most distractions from my life. I’ve formatted my Zune, hid my speakers in the basement, and prevent myself from watching TV (except the guilty pleasure of Stargate) to prevent myself from further wasting time. Yet, I still find time escapes me. Days fly by, and I’m afraid that others are catching up to me. I’m afraid that I’ll wake and find that the knowledge I know will be common amongst everyone I meet. The inferiority complex bugs at me and hard.

The goals of being promoted at work seem so far away. This post is largely whining, but I will continue to push. Yet, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m burned out, which seems common at my work, or maybe I can suck this up and face the difficulty of life as best as I can.

Graduation
The Suze Orman speech was surprisingly good. Life is so fast and sad sometimes. Lots of regrets about missed opportunities, I shouldn’t, but I have them. The speech was spot on though. I’m surprised how much I actually enjoyed the speech, even though I had assumed right off the bat I wouldn’t. Funny how things work out.

I’m not going to write my four year goals out here, but I do have them written out. Not lamented … yet.

On the flip side, I can begin my Series 7 studying soon!

In an article I read last year, The Paradox of Choice, described how shoppers, when aware of how many options they have, find themselves more unsatisfied. I’m going through the same problem. It takes me much longer to make a decision, because I’m never quite sure if I’m making the correct one or not. So the only result is I do a lot more research on the subject matter, which is a huge time drainer! Should I do this? Should I do that? I want to be more impulsive, but I also know if I do, when I make poor decisions, I’ll be even more frustrated at myself. Ah, decisions, decisions, tradeoffs, tradeoffs.

Give me a week though. This is going to be a crazy week.

And suddenly, I realize that I need to follow Rule #1, Find interesting people and discard everyone else. One of the better correlations I’ve noted is this … the more TV shows an individual follows … the less interesting he/she is. I swear.

Maybe this goes the other way. Maybe I’m boring to them. But then again, this blog isn’t about them.

So for each job application I do, which take from 10-50 minutes (FDIC one was LONG), I am putting my time in essentially a gamble. It may amount to something, it may not. I understand if I do 100 applications, the average of the values may be 50. IE. Let’s say, one has a value of 5,000 whereas 99 of them have a marginal value of essentially 0. So as I continue with another job application this hits home hard … This application might be worthless, but I grudgingly continue on.

I don’t really live with myself all too well these days. I find that work is really the best way for me to get my mind off of much of the stress that consumes me. Now, this isn’t to be an all-out depressing topic, but sometimes I feel a bit empty. This doesn’t portray me very well, but I don’t have much friends at all. I have people who consider them as friends of mine … but it’s a bit one-sided. It’s because I’m so quirky, off, weird, quirky again … that I can’t relate to people. I finished revising my resume today (and boy did that need a lot of help), and as I jogged down hobbies … I realized I could practically write pages and pages of hobbies. I don’t really sit down well with one or two topics. Jack of all trades .. that quote was really meant for me. I don’t know anyone whose interests really are as diverse as mine. As a result, my closest friend is probably my roommate, and that’s generous. I am awfully brutal to my roommate and do not mince words when I think he has messed up. I would only ask the same in return. Unfortunately, he does not listen to me much, which makes it painful for me to watch him repeat mistakes. (Or a delight to throw a emotionless face that really reeks of “I-told-you-so”). Without sounding like an over arrogant pompous ass (which this will), I want to be around people that make me feel the need to constantly self-improve. You are the average of your five closest friends … what if you don’t have five close friends? You are nothing. And that is depressing. Thank god I have 617 friends on a deactivated Facebook. Power of networks can shove it.

I’m consuming a lot of reading recently — namely Mastery by George Leonard, which really tells me to sit down and have patience, destroy Facebook, eliminate Youtube, and sit in a well-light corner to get things done. I’m also reading When Genius Failed – Rise and Fall of Long Term Capital Management – which I absolutely love as a book. I’ve been reading it at the gym a lot, which is bad, because I will take reading-rest periods longer than it takes to finish two sets.

I still procrastinate from time to time, which makes me sad, because I don’t have a correct gauge on how much I have actually worked in a day. There will be days when I work on something for almost 12-13 hours, and I still feel like I’ve only done thirty minutes worth. (I realized this as I adopted a few Akudo methods, namely one being the 25min burst, 5 minute break).

-  I’ve also realized I’ll never be happy or marry. (Readers, they do not go hand-in-hand).
-  I’ve realized I should stop giving my roommate any advice. He heeds almost nothing. It’s not in a bad way, he lives in his own world, I live in mine.
- I realized I should avoid my roommate and his gf. He is awfully kind to her, which annoys me because I think he should have some masculinity in his relationship. Then again, he informs me I am an asshole (true statement).
- I realized I cannot use Youtube correctly. I need to eliminate it from my life.
- I realized I should give my Ipod away … I cannot use it correctly either and find myself listening to Lady Gaga at embarrassing points in the gym.
- I realized I cannot understand if people at the gym are staring at me because I am gifted at moving heavy objects, or gifted at listening to Lady Gaga at loud decibels. (I am not kidding on either points.)
- I realized as I counted the amount of supplements I take in a day, I may have a problem. But this is what all relentless individuals face … the never ending thirst to better than thy neighbor.
- I realized that one of the drugs I take makes music sound almost five times better. That means Lady Gaga’s Telephone sounds fucking amazing.
- I realized that I should have talked to the hot Korean girl the other night, and instead my inability to notice details when nervous will be costly in the future.
- I realized that procrastinating is the worst sin in life. Second up, comes paying for procrastination of others through taxes.
- I realized the stress of not having a job is not really whats killing me, its the fear of living at home, and thus the inability to meet more Harvard girls.
- I realized that writing this is awfully soothing.
- I realized that the only thing that will release stress is actually doing more work.
- I realized that I don’t watch TV or movies anymore.
- I realized that Warcraft gives me no enjoyment whatsoever anymore. Instead, I play in a state of panic as I worry about the other shit left undone.
- I realized that if I continue the rate of progress I am going through now, life will be awesome from the ages of 25-40. It will go downhill at 40, because I am pretty sure I will still not believe in marriage. I will also have adopted a child, or fostered a bastard by then to appease the parents. If not, I will steal the smartest Asian kid I know and name him Jeff Shek Junior.
- I realized that my mother has paid a lot for the most odd knowledge skill-sets for her son at University. The best thing I learned in college was confidence, the worst I learned I was nothing. If you learn anything at all, it’s still improvement.